Faith

Faith

Faith sometimes shaken by life’s commotion

Imperative to remember faith isn’t emotion

      An equally simple and difficult deal

      Especially when overwhelmed with how we feel

             What is heard

                 What is seen

No matter what into His presence we’ll lean

      Every time in the end we will see

The pain or struggle is what had to be  

      With every trial is something learned

      Even if we hate the way things turned

What we want may not be what we need   

Keep a fertile heart so He can plant His seeds

     Always He will refine our soul

Admittedly sometimes with a heavy toll

    Remembering there is always a reason

    For each and every painful season

In the moment there can be such pain

Must ask ourselves in this what can we gain

         Divine directive

                Perhaps a fresh perspective

     At times we simply may not know

     What His Spirit is trying to show

To walk in faith with Him above

Our main objective must be to love

  

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Depression’s Bite

   Rolled Outta bed feeling a mess

   The coldness of depressions caress

Nothing’s changed I’m not sure why

I sit here and just want to cry

     I don’t get it I’m doing good

     Times like this wish I understood

         Such high highs

              Such low lows

           All I know is it fuckin blows

Not suicidal but wish I was dead

Their solution, “here take this med”

     Times like this I’m tired of it

     Always feeling like a peice of shit

           I won’t allow to be swept away

           On days like this that are so grey

In bondage from my past life’s shackles

All the while the devil cackles

    The fighter in me won’t let this be

    Desperately I search for good to see

My life has to be more than this

Daily rumination of the things I miss

         Forcing myself

            Possibilities could come

         My only job’s to do nothing dumb

Just focus on one foot then the other

Just focus on helping my sisters & brothers

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Hope

Hope

     I’ve walked so aimlessly through life

A heart filled with love but producing strife

         It was never my intention

  To be a man of such internal contention

              Peace and rage

                 Love and hate

       Can’t allow this battle to be my fate

As of now I must choose a path

The direction contrary to self imposed wrath

        To stew in all the evil done

        Feels identical to nibbling on a gun

In that choice there is no hope

I’m tired of being on that downward slope

Further and faster down it went

Finally hit the point where I’m just spent

       Deciding that it can’t go on

           Already all I love is gone

It doesn’t have to be for good

Finally this I understood

         Unfortunately I can’t go back

            But I can start on the right track

       Each decision

            Every choice made

                 Slowly hopelessness will fade

Never again to be who I became

Final conclusion, I’m over that game

      Now I know what I must do

       With His help I can be brand new

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Freed from Hell

Freed from Hell

      Sobriety is hard

           Drinking is pain

Abstaining from the latter there’s so much to gain

Can’t allow myself to forget how far I fell

I tell you what, it was a living hell

       Could hardly move

            barely eat

    Couldn’t even manage to get on my feet

       Soul crushing depression

      Manifested by unprovoked aggression

Cry to myself that I’m so alone

Obvious to me I’d become my evil clone

          Consumed with me

              Your pain I just couldn’t see

                   I never wanna go back

                       That is the fact

I must remember this when I feel bored

Still better than being ruled by the alcoholic lord

         It consumed my life

            Became my idol

              Useless alcoholic became my title

Now I’m just a guy, a loved son

Not the villain because of things I’d done

Thank You Lord that I’m brand new

This new freedom is all thanks to You

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has past away and the new has come!” -2 Cor 5:17

           

My Reality

My Reality

Facing our past can be rough

My reason for running is unresolved stuff

        I can’t do that anymore

   Lest I find myself facedown on the floor

I’m exhausted of feeling despair

Changing perspective is helping me to care

        Forced to face my past

     Only way my new found hope will last

           I must let go of what I’ve done

        Simply focusing on that I’m His son

                 I’m not hopeless

                      I’m not lost

    I believe this cause He paid the ultimate cost

        Love, not in words but in how I act

             This right here is a fact

The last few years have been the worst

The reason, I stopped putting others first

      If you want to feel free

           That right there is the key

To love others instead of you

This right here’s what we’re called to do

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Blessed

Blessed

So many things I took for granted

The view of my world was ignorantly slanted

         What is

             What could of been

My lack of gratitude I’m beginning to see

      Changing this perspective is setting me free

The lifetime of miserable knots that entangled

Where most of my life I felt strangled

         They kept me shackled

                They kept me down

Now I stop, breath and truly look around

      Pondering how bad it really could be

Easiest to take for granted the fact I can see

   Due to relationships I have blown

   I’d complain to myself that I’m all alone

           This pity party just isn’t fair

    Upon reflection I have many that care

                    Some long lasting

                          Some brand new

Remembering the positive is what I must do

            This now I see

                       I understand

It’s all thanks to the loving Father’s hand

                   I should be in prison

                           I should be dead

But I’m on my millionth second chance instead

       Thank You Lord for Your grace

              Your loving hand

I praise God that now this I understand

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Faith in Fear

      Everyday I can’t help but wonder

      Will the day come she forgives my blunders

          Each and every freaking mistake

          So much faith on her it would take

   I don’t even know how it’ll go

        Like the past

             Another chance would I blow?

   I prefer to think not

       If I had one more shot

It’s hard for me to live day by day

What’ll happen tomorrow I really can’t say

    During this period I’ve done no wrong

    Each choice I’ve made I’ve managed to be strong

Is the day coming where I’ll do something dumb?

This looming worry echoes like a sad songs strum

     I can’t live in that fear

Especially now cause I let His Spirit steer

     Every minute we have a choice

           Do what we want

              Or listen to His voice

For me I will continue to choose the latter

In this, fear is extinguished

      His Truth all that matters

Will I ever get my version of gold

I must keep the faith and just let things unfold

Confused Conflict

Confused Conflict

There’s a man who drives himself nuts

He drinks, pushes away & when alone he cuts

          Truth is he doesn’t know why

          All that it costs internally he’ll cry

Confused at why he makes himself hurt

Constantly abandons paradise to live in the dirt

   Across his chest it says he stands alone

  Subconsciously determined based on what his past has shown

     Deep down he knows it’s not what he wants

     Constantly contradicted by his ridiculous stunts

Desperate for peace he much desires freedom

Perplexed why contrary he always chooses Edom

       Always giving up his birth right

      Just for temporary things that’r in sight

          Why can’t he just stop

          At this his mind spins like a top

               It’s not a lack of desire

                  Which inside burns like a fire

It’s something broken yet unknown

He knows this based on what his past life has shown

     Desperately he continues to look

     This malady his entire life it had took

Exhausted of fighting he finally lays down his sword

He dropped to his knees and he turned to the Lord

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Letting Go

Letting Go

So difficult with a mind that always runs

Fueling this spinning, my daughters & sons

      Missing my wife

          Grieving my lost life

    Knowing I gotta let the past go

    All I have is today to let the Spirit flow

Every choice right now alters the outcome

Being vigilant to not do something dumb

       Waves of desperation and fear

   I must push them away and just let God steer

    Releasing my grip from my life’s wheel

    Regardless of how worried or scared I feel

Remind myself right now’s all I got

Focusing on this truth is my one and only shot

    A life of something beautiful and good

    Futily wishing years ago I understood

Accepting what’s done can’t be undone

Brokenly I kneel at the feet of the Son

     I’m lost Lord

         I’m coming unglued

I’m exhausted being such a self destructive dude

    “You’re doing it My child”

        “Continue to let go of a past defiled”

“Never give up on letting go”

“Eventually the dreams you dream in your life I will show”

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Revelation

Revelation

 Not focusing that my life is in ruin

Concentrating on the positive I’m doing

      Nothing monumental or grand

     Every day,each decision learning to be a man

        Shown in action by each choice

        Not empty promises conveyed by my voice

    Doing good, doing right everyday

    Simply enough keeps my chaos at bay

Trying to understand why self destruction held me so tight

    With everyone, but mostly me I would fight

        Such past tramas and pain in tow

        Little by little learning to let those things go

Self imposed shackles that kept me down

Living my life with a somber tattooed frown

          It’s no way to live

               To simply exist

In my life so many beautiful things missed

              The growth of my kids

                  The embrace of my wife

Because of my doing it’s been a miserable life

      Worst part I’ve been given so many blessings

      No matter how good I’d continue my stressing

         Once upon a time I literally had my dream

       It didn’t stop my discontented stream

               I had it all

It didn’t matter, further and further I’d fall

Now that everything is gone I finally see

    It’s because I couldn’t forgive myself

        That’s why I never felt free

Written by: Justin Ludwig

New Path

New Path

       Reconnection with Keegan

                 It fills my heart

Far too long my illness kept us apart

  Wake up to a text simply saying “good job dad”

   Instantly dissolved me feeling so sad

I’m no fool, I got a long way to go

These random blessings Holy Spirit does show

     “Justin keep on this path”

     “you don’t have to suffer in that brutal aftermath”

     “I can change it all, you just remain willing”

     “I will continue with my Holy Spirit’s filling”

In days prior I was blind, unable to see

That it is possible, He can & will set me free

   Day by day such downs and ups

I just must choose none of those things that corrupts

    My life, mind, body and spirit

    Accepting it’s OK not to know, I don’t need to fear it

    Simply embracing these new connections

Avoiding my sick minds destructive dissections

     Always expecting the worst

     This self fulfilling prophecy has always been my curse

Finally ready to do something new

One foot in front of the other is all I must do

Written by: Justin Ludwig

    

God’s Loving Reminder

God’s Loving Reminder

When I heavily began to lose hope

God seems to look at me, smile & say “nope”

    “My child, don’t forget who I Am”

       ” I Am the God who can”

           “I can heal”

               ” I can restore “

“Stay on My path and I can reconcile what you adore “

      “your kids”

           “your wife”

             “Everything good lost in your life”

“I can and will heal your inner strife”

       “At times it will be hard”

        “My process sometimes will hurt”

“Because I Am scrubbing you clean from a lifetime of dirt”

     “Don’t think too much”

        “Just trust Me”

“Follow and obey My voice & one day you’ll see”

    Holy Spirit reminded me of this today

    No matter what on His path I must stay

         This reminder I NEEDED to hear

      As soon as I heard Him I shifted gears

My faith in Him I won’t let go or release

His voice, this reminder gave me peace

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Self Love

Self Love

Self love has always been a mystery to me

Perhaps from past tramas I had to experience and see

     Intellectually I know it’s the key

     The blurry reality that can set me free

           How do I let go

           Simply to let the real me show

   Not the mask of indifference

       Or a smoke screen that I don’t care

              The love I have for others with myself I need to share

        If this enigma I cannot solve

        All that’ll happen is I’ll continue to dissolve

            I have a big heart

                I care about you

     But when it comes to myself I just don’t know what to do

       From regret to self hatred I’m desperate to be free

       Daily prayers that one day I will see

To awknowledge that I’m worthy of love

This wisdom I seek can only come from above

    To truly believe that I am a new man

    This the only way I believe that I can

On the surface it sounds so damn easy

When I think of self compassion truly it makes me feel queezy

    This is my journey

         The road that I am on

To find that self love & all self loathing be gone

    Is it possible,  I honestly don’t know

    But what I do know is the past I must let go

          I’m determined to experience this

So no longer self love am I condemned to continue to miss

    Is this possible, I really don’t know

This hope I seek, I guess only time will show

Written by: Justin Ludwig

My Call

My Call

 Admittedly my life right now is not great

 I must remain grateful for its current state

    Happy for the progression 

    Beats the heck outta painful regression

         The healing is painfully slow

         Accepting that that’s just how it’ll go

     True healing takes time

     Knowing at times it’s sour as a lime

This is the reason I love to write

It fights off the unknown future’s fright

         No matter what may come

         Reminding myself to not do something dumb

             Something impulsive

                  Something destructive

Making each decision something constructive

Always actions of love, even if small

      This is why I’m here

           This is my call

Life’s not about me but serving you

This right here is what I’m called to do

Written by: Justin Ludwig

     

      

Action

Action

    I tried to do it on my own

    Big shock, I ended up completely alone

Intellectually I knew God was with me

My solitude blinded me so His presence I couldn’t see

        I couldn’t hear Him

                 I couldn’t feel Him

    Day by day life became more grim

When we recognize we are in this state

It’s simple, with God set up a date

     Open up His word

          In prayer drop to your knees

In complete vulnerablity say God consume me, please

   He will answer because He loves you

   Turning back to Him is all we must do

        It may not happen in a snap

        But I guarantee you He will bridge the gap

Then to continue to strengthen that bond this is what you MUST do

Simply love the one in front of you

       A kind word

           A sincere smile

Has the power to uplift and give hope to someone who feels so defiled

   So many people feel so alone

When we love in action Holy Spirit is shown

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Realizing Reality

Realizing Reality

     Sometimes the pain seems too great

     Truly coming to terms with your fate

Worst part is we were warned again & again

By those who’ve given up…that we once called our friend

     By no means is this a pity party

     My eye opening reality was just a bit tardy 

          Remembering my life’s calling

          Has stopped my tragic falling

Keeping our eyes fixed on Him

Illuminating a life that became so damn dim

     Remembering so clearly it’s not about me but about you

     All I’m called to do is share my journey and what NOT to do

         Don’t take things for granted 

               Don’t live for selfish desire

      The secret is no secret be inspired by Holy Spirit’s fire

Nothing and noone is willing to wait forever

Don’t be fooled, none of us are that clever 

     To hide our secrets or our shady stuff 

     When we believe that lie believe me life gets freakin rough

           But we mustn’t give up

           Due to a past life that was corrupt

Each passing moment we can turned it all around

This is the reality in my struggles I have found 

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Letting Go

Letting Go

   Progress being made but I’m in a bubble

   Healthy concern, once done can I remain outta trouble

     Gifted with no longer blind to reality

      Last inch of rope seems to have changed my mentality

   Transformation of spirit, body & mind

   A completely new life is my goal to find

Holding on only to my loves & the Lord

These my focal points when I find myself bored

   What I seek; stillness, peace & hope

    Ironically I’ve found in stillness it hard to cope

   Always led myself to chaos & pain

   Constantly remind myself in that what would I gain

      Only more hurt, regret and loss

      Just a matter of time til I pay the ultimate cost

    Recognizing that I am a grown ass man

   On my own two feet is where I must stand

       Determined to follow only His lead

No longer my destructive side can I feed

     Finally decided to live my life

     Learning to navigate my cancerous internal strife

        Sounds simple but it’s hard to let go

             No tomorrow or yesterday

                I just gotta let each day flow

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Remind myself daily I can’t live in the past

This being the cause of my inner peace fast

     Past regrets fueling my self destruction

     The perpetuating fact of lifelong corruption

My mind, relationships and spirit

If I keep my eyes on Him there’s no need to fear it

      Never again do I have to be who I was

      This fact contingent on what the current man does

Seek Him

      Seek peace and love others

      Blessing each one of my sisters and brothers

Thousands of correct choices every single day

Will keep my autopilot of chaos at bay

    To speak Truth but always in love

    Will without words point to and glorify Him who’s above

     This is my mission, my daily life goal

     It won’t only serve others but bless my own soul

In this harsh world, easier said than done

I must be intentional to stay focused on the Son

    Am I able to do this

           I think that I can

    This is my path to remain this new man

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Fresh Start

Fresh Start

       At forty again at square one

       No ones fault because I’ve done what I’ve done

My peace, I refuse to let it dampen

In my desperation I’m making so much happen

   Reestablish RawDisciple & healing my heart

  Not to shabby given I’m back at the start

      Vigilantly working on self restoration

      Amazing what can happen in such desperation

       Remembering in my spirit God’s   personal calling

       To love and bring hope to those that are falling

          Drugs, desperation or booze

         To inspire those on a path that guarantee to lose

Transparently share my trama and pain

Completely vulnerable for someone else’s gain

  This is why my ministry is raw

  Uncensored sharing of everything I saw

Things I’ve done & have been done to me

My only motivation the hope others will see

    Living for oneself is tragic and futile

    A life of self centeredness believe me is brutal

    Such a lonely and empty life

    Daily compounding of internal strife

When we finally see we’re called to help others

Putting ourselves aside to serve our sister and brother

   This right here is what we’re all called to do

   Simply to love the one in front of you

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Devotion

Devotion

In my darkness I must remember my devotion

A commitment that must overshadow life’s commotion

My focus, I made a pledge

This keeps me from jumping off the ledge

The truth, this is what’s real

Regardless of how I feel

I made a vow to love

Gaining my strength from above

Holding fast that a miracle may come

Regardless of my past life’s sum

My mind always focused on the bad

Then foolishly vexed why I’m always sad

This right here doesn’t have to be

His Holy Spirit has opened my eyes to see

Life’s so much more than just my pains

Previously blinded I am more than my stains

Desperately, peace is what I seek

Easily forgotten when I begin to freak

Though my mistakes came with such a high cost

I must remember I don’t need to remain lost

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Gaining Wisdom

Gaining Wisdom

Everyday filled with a trial

Up to me if myself I choose to defile

Every hardship a chance to grow

The mindset that’ll determine where I go

Whether through strength or humility

This discernment gives me the ability

To gain wisdom and mature

This truth I definitely know for sure

When to walk away or stand my ground

This the discernment I have finally found

By no means have I conquered it

But little by little I better handle bullshit

Day by day I continue to grow

my objective, Holy Spirit’s presence to show

That not a soul is too far gone

Every single day is a brand new dawn

A chance to start fresh, to be brand new

With Holy Spirit this is something we ALL can do

Troublesome People

Troublesome People

Fifty but acting twelve

Animosity & drama where he tries to delve

Randomly, but a constant fight

Holding my peace keeping my goals in sight

Insults & chaos where he continues to go

My opportunity to let Holy Spirit flow

Crash course in dealing with bull crap

Conditioning myself to avoid a snap

Once a cancerous pattern of my past

I’m determined to have my progress last

I refuse to regress

Just because of this ridiculous stress

I’m proud of maintaining my peace

Though the instigating just doesn’t cease

If I learn to navigate jerks in this life

How much better I can be for my wife

God allows everything for a reason

Especially in the midst of a difficult season

Practicing by refusing to engage

Every episode the victor over destructive rage

So proud I’ve maintained my peace

With consistency, my past patterns will cease

This progress lagit does excite me

On my way to being who I want to be

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Gratitude

Gratitude

Far too rarely I say

I am grateful for today

Recognizing His presence and His grace

So grateful He led me to this place

A place where I’m hungry and humble

By His grace deep in His presence I did stumble

God’s voice so clear in my heart

I pray never again do I feel apart

In my spirit I knew it never true

Believing the lie made me so damn blue

Never again will I go back

Holy Spirit reminding me that’s the fact

Seeking His Truth and His voice

That action is totally my choice

To spread His gospel and His love

Sharing with the world Him who is above

It blesses both you and me

Being reminded to open our eyes and see

We are called to love in action

This right here gives our life traction

Love the one in front of you

Simply this is what we’re called to do

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Growth not Regret

Exhausted of living in regret

Past mistakes doesn’t mean my future’s set

All I have is today

This mindset is where I must stay

Letting go of my past

Only way that the hope I have’ll last

Question is how I’ll do this

Letting go of all that I miss

This order seems so damn tall

Given how far I did fall

I must rest in His grace

Staying grateful in this place

How well will it go

This I simply don’t know

This being the place I am in

Growing past a life of sin

Recognizing this’ll take time

Washing off my past grime

Knowing I’ll have help from His Spirit

This is why I refuse to fear it

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Healing Struggle

Healing Struggle

Sudden tidal wave of hurt

Momentarily unable to skirt

Climbing a steep icy hill

So many bad things I feel

Desperate to grow out of this

Simply accepting things that I miss

People that I had

Being an active dad

Things just are what they are

Seeing that I’ve fallen so far

Determined to keep pushing on

Praying for that beautiful new dawn

Knowing there’ll be days good and bad

Right now, fuck I feel sad

I must remain hungry and humble

Especially when my thoughts start to mumble

Remaining open and real

Constructively sharing how I feel

Constantly continuing to grow

My raw vulnerable self I must show

One step then the next

Seeking truth when I feel vexed

Faith one day I’ll reach my goal

The long sought after peace in my soul

My Calling

My Calling

A crossroad

No idea what to do

To get out of my head

Choosing to live life instead

Even the smallest thing

To this life what can I bring

Sharing a word of hope

Most effective way that I cope

With everything that is gone

Fueling development of new meaningful bonds

How I selfishly lived for myself

Can open the eyes of somebody else

Them not wanting to be like me

Can save them by helping them see

The path that I had

Leading to only feeling broken and sad

It brings such strong meaning

From a wasted life of treacherous feigning

I must continue to fight

Finally get this thing right

Knowing what I want to do

To help someone else….perhaps it’s you

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Concepcion

Concepcion

Lost a sister today

Making life seem a bit more grey

For years we’d talk

We’d pray

Truth, I’m not even sure what to say

We live

We connect

Then we die

Those who loved can do nothing but sigh

Deep connections through Your Spirit

Death is heartbreaking but no need to fear it

She was a woman of faith in Your Son

She’s left this world but her existence is not done

Hand in hand she now walks with You

Never again to feel angry, pain or blue

Though we weep and shed a tear

There is one thing we don’t need to fear

She is at peace, holding Your hand

We ask Your Spirit, help us cope the best that we can

Connection

Can go through life feeling alone in it

  Foolishly like we’re only going through it

This though is simply not true

  Question is what do we do

We MUST reach out

  Humbly though avoiding a shout

   Finding someone

     Sharing our pain

Our hesitation is what can we gain

  Aware that there is no quick fix

   Asking ourselves why add to the mix

Forcing ourselves to seek connection

  An outside perspective giving direction

It’s up to us if we take it to heart

 or foolishly pulling further apart

    I’ve walked alone

     Boy does it suck

I sink further and further into the muck

  Once I finally stop the fight

Remembering simply to keep Jesus in sight

  Seek seek seek the connection

Changing your life to a better direction

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Finally

A month of nightmares beyond belief

  Finally praise God a time of relief

A time he finally dares to hope  

Immediately seems to have changed his scope

what will come he does not know

  Finally accepting only time will show

Finally with no determined plan

In the hopes it’ll make the new man

  Who will he be

 I guess only in time we’ll see

  Finally a time of COMPLETE surrender

No longer does he have to be the defender

 Will it work, I do not know

Simply he’ll have to let things flow

 it’s all so darn new to me

  The step by step watching to see

   Finally he feel OK with this

Attempting to block out all that he missed

 in his heart he starts to feel steady

  Finally he feels that he is ready

written by: Justin Ludwig

Hell alive

My embarrassing admission 

I got lost

Booze

Dope

Dad’s agonizing death

My kids disappeared in tail lights

Perhaps 

Maybe just lights turned on

Pained cats get it

Sometimes it’s all we got

Then chaos hits

Wait

It was there forever 

Then nothing 

Just screaming walls

Then nothing 

Then 4 kids blitz

Then nothing 

Sudden no…38 years

I want to blame you 

Them

Anyone 

Just me

Then what 

Self Inflicted Perspective

My time-line doesn’t matter

Recollected flashes

Moments magnified by the entirety

Minimized by the moments

Juvenile jests made clear

FEAR

nothing more

Simplicity complicates Simplicity

to me

You?

don’t know

Suddenly awake

Aware of internal animosity

At me

….always me

Most would disagee

Outward appearance

a fiscade

So cleverly orchestrated

i was my lie

To cope

Sincerely believed

Truth shattered lies

Lies diluted perception of truth

No more

Or…..

Unintentional rhyme

Unintentional rhyme

I can’t help but sit and ponder

Why i always had to wander

Never able to hold My mask

Twas cemented by that hypnotic flask

Seemed every time i began to mend

Destruction loomed just around the bend

Pain was All i could control

took Foolish pride in that painful mold

ALL was lost in the First drop

Loathing myself too much to stop

Such self hate

my DOMINate trait

Chaos birthed pain

my pain left scars

My dreams of peace… they feel like Mars

Far away, a distant dot

Reseved myself to simply rot

Reasons still unknown to me

No move left so i drop to plea

“Oh Lord, i don’t know what to do

my only hope is turn to You

Why did i choose a life like this.

It’s what I ponder gazing at my wrists

Oh my God so many marks

Made alone trapped in My dark

Lost in tears I hears Him say

“My son, look up, it’s a brand new day

I AM always here

I know it’s hard but please don’t fear

I’ll guide your steps

I’ll fill your heart

From you I will not depart

TAKE a breath

you are now safe

All I ask is you keep the faith

I died for you, and I’ll do more

So pick yourself up off the floor

I’m here My son

I’ll watch your back

Simply cut yourself some slack

QUIT asking how you’ll clear the dross

I already did while on that cross

It’s finished son

Welcome home my boy

This is for you

My unending joy

Dead-end

Dead-end

    Why!?
Seeking that which cannot be found
Numbed to feel
Unintentionally ignorant Exploits of youth dominating my course
Solitude came
Ironic…expected
Always Seeking
Neverending
What I blindly sought til the seeking became what I sought

Screaming silence

noone

tomorrow’s problems seemingly suddenly yesterday’s scars
What happened….

me


Filling the Void

For far too long I have been seeking to fill the emptiness that has haunted me since day one….atleast as far back as I can remember. 

Drugs, booze, relationships…I desperately sought to irraticate the void. No matter what I had or what I lacked the hole remained, tainting every moment. 

I came to realize something I once knew but chose to forget under the crushing weight of shame and fear. 

My comfort is found in comforting others. My desire to press on will only be fueled by motivating and encouraging those who are discouraged. 

If I want love I must be love

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Patterns

What do you do when what you want isn’t what you want

     Where do you go when you’ve reached your destination only to find yourself somehow more lost than ever 

    Turned around

    Stumbling through

         Doubting the doubts of doubts

Patterns of a life repeat til now

      feared greater than any nightmare 

Most are their heros

    Others, their own villain 

A monster between it all 

   Between each thought

        Every feeling & action

Plotting & widdling against….against me

Vigilance til over thought floods

Fighting the invisible 

                     the patterns

      the unknown within thar manifests emptiness 

Written by: Justin Ludwig 03/11/22

Revealings in the Dark

The dark path, penetrated by shafts of light cutting through the mist of the untold day.

The path though traveled often is unknown, for who knows what the familiar path holds until it is walked out in it’s entirety in the present. This reality pushes me forward; possibilities of refreshing, renewing and renovating waft in the crispness of the darkness like the aroma of pine on a mountainside, on the verge of overwhelming yet captivating.

In the silence my thoughts begin to flow. Like that of a babbling brook which seems to flow uphill…. am I seeking or am I fleeing? Does it matter? In this contemplation the tangible reality dissipates. The only illumination, hazy yellow markers cutting the darkness like that of a dull knife, still glowing from the fires embrace.

My eyes cannot help but be drawn off this path into the darkness, where the unknown spectrum lies. Blessings and monsters dot my horizon but remain unseen from this vantage.

The days is before me, what does it hold?

Written by: Justin Ludwig

01/07/2019

Birth Days

The brilliance

emerges over unfamiliar fields

Seemingly unmoving, it rises

It’s Beauty tainted

Always by the familiar

Ushering in the repetition

my heart Cries out

How do i know?

When each thought

every feeling

Overlapping in an instant

so fast…..

A blur of Hope, wrapped in frustration

i long for what waits

So wait,

Rising

rising, rising

All the while the melody flows

another and again

Searching for what’s already obtained

Still I sit

still yet frantic

Written by: Justin Ludwig