Tag: recovery

Freed from Hell

Freed from Hell

      Sobriety is hard

           Drinking is pain

Abstaining from the latter there’s so much to gain

Can’t allow myself to forget how far I fell

I tell you what, it was a living hell

       Could hardly move

            barely eat

    Couldn’t even manage to get on my feet

       Soul crushing depression

      Manifested by unprovoked aggression

Cry to myself that I’m so alone

Obvious to me I’d become my evil clone

          Consumed with me

              Your pain I just couldn’t see

                   I never wanna go back

                       That is the fact

I must remember this when I feel bored

Still better than being ruled by the alcoholic lord

         It consumed my life

            Became my idol

              Useless alcoholic became my title

Now I’m just a guy, a loved son

Not the villain because of things I’d done

Thank You Lord that I’m brand new

This new freedom is all thanks to You

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has past away and the new has come!” -2 Cor 5:17

           

Realizing Reality

Realizing Reality

     Sometimes the pain seems too great

     Truly coming to terms with your fate

Worst part is we were warned again & again

By those who’ve given up…that we once called our friend

     By no means is this a pity party

     My eye opening reality was just a bit tardy 

          Remembering my life’s calling

          Has stopped my tragic falling

Keeping our eyes fixed on Him

Illuminating a life that became so damn dim

     Remembering so clearly it’s not about me but about you

     All I’m called to do is share my journey and what NOT to do

         Don’t take things for granted 

               Don’t live for selfish desire

      The secret is no secret be inspired by Holy Spirit’s fire

Nothing and noone is willing to wait forever

Don’t be fooled, none of us are that clever 

     To hide our secrets or our shady stuff 

     When we believe that lie believe me life gets freakin rough

           But we mustn’t give up

           Due to a past life that was corrupt

Each passing moment we can turned it all around

This is the reality in my struggles I have found 

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Growth not Regret

Exhausted of living in regret

Past mistakes doesn’t mean my future’s set

All I have is today

This mindset is where I must stay

Letting go of my past

Only way that the hope I have’ll last

Question is how I’ll do this

Letting go of all that I miss

This order seems so damn tall

Given how far I did fall

I must rest in His grace

Staying grateful in this place

How well will it go

This I simply don’t know

This being the place I am in

Growing past a life of sin

Recognizing this’ll take time

Washing off my past grime

Knowing I’ll have help from His Spirit

This is why I refuse to fear it

Written by: Justin Ludwig

My Calling

My Calling

A crossroad

No idea what to do

To get out of my head

Choosing to live life instead

Even the smallest thing

To this life what can I bring

Sharing a word of hope

Most effective way that I cope

With everything that is gone

Fueling development of new meaningful bonds

How I selfishly lived for myself

Can open the eyes of somebody else

Them not wanting to be like me

Can save them by helping them see

The path that I had

Leading to only feeling broken and sad

It brings such strong meaning

From a wasted life of treacherous feigning

I must continue to fight

Finally get this thing right

Knowing what I want to do

To help someone else….perhaps it’s you

Written by: Justin Ludwig

Dead-end

Dead-end

    Why!?
Seeking that which cannot be found
Numbed to feel
Unintentionally ignorant Exploits of youth dominating my course
Solitude came
Ironic…expected
Always Seeking
Neverending
What I blindly sought til the seeking became what I sought

Screaming silence

noone

tomorrow’s problems seemingly suddenly yesterday’s scars
What happened….

me


God is Good, Even When Life Isn’t

You know what I love? Those times in your life when everything is just as it should be. Those awesome times when the Son is shining in your life, lighting your path and you can’t deny feeling God’s hand in everything. You know the times I’m referring to, don’t you? When God’s presence is almost tangible.

These are the times I, as well as a majority of Christians sing God’s praises, and why shouldn’t we? We meditate on scripture like psalm 119:105 and fall in love all over again with God’s intricate tapestry that is our existence. We feel that our faith is unshakeable because we have Yahweh in our corner who loves us so…….

But then you wake up one day and something happens. That marvelous light that was a lamp for your feet and a light for your path suddenly seems to have faded. Things stop going your way …..your prayers seem to stop being answered and worst of all you don’t feel God’s presence anymore. Are you still singing God’s praises when you are deep in that valley?

Is your faith and love as strong when you feel all alone and everything seems to go wrong in your life? When life is awesome or when life seems like a nightmare, God is exactly the same. He loves us, He is just as sovereign and is always good, no matter our circumstance.

My prayer for all of us to continue to grow closer to Christ. That we will continue to develop a level of trust that never waivers regardless of circumstance and that we never doubt God’s hand on us, ESPECIALLY when we don’t feel His presence.

Brothers and sisters, this is faith. Having assurance in the unseen and yes sometimes the unfelt.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” -Heb 11:1

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ” Isaiah 41:10

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”- Heb 13:8

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light to my path.”- Ps 119:105

Written by: Justin Ludwig

So Much Joy, So Much Pain

​My heart weeps over the randomness of my recollections…..

The look on my dad’s face when his mom refused to see him on his death bed….. the look of pride of my father’s face when I hit a home run or did something that pleased him as a child. The look on my kids face that first moment we are reunited after 3 months of longing for each other… that pure excitement and joy! Immediately my mind is pulled to their faces waving goodbye in the rear view mirror driving out of my life……such heartache.

So much pain….. so much joy.

I try to focus on the beauty but the gut wrenching images always seem to taunt them, even if only slightly.

Our lives are a series of blessings, heartaches and adventures. The enemy will draw from our pain and remind us constantly…. I know he does for me. Constantly attempting to rob us of the joy that God has given us and the joy we have experienced through our relationships and our journey.

This is where action meets our faith. God is good…. God is awesome in fact and He will fill us with hope. What we must never forget is at the same time there is a very real enemy who is constantly trying to undo everything that He does. 

This is the reality of spiritual warfare in each of our lives. The devil constantly trying to remind us of the hurt… the times God did not give us what we wanted or when He didn’t answer the prayer that still causes us pain. A lyric comes to mind, “When you didn’t part the waters I wish I could have walked through, still I will trust in You.”

I speak now from a place of attack and sadness. Right this moment I feel the tears welling up because if the hurt and pain….. but we must remember the goodness of God. The blessing upon blessing He has rained down in our life. This is how we fight off these attacks from the enemy. We must not let the enemy rob us of the joy that God has already given us, and has promised to continue to give us.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” -Phil 4:8

Written by: Justin Ludwig